Not again

Pretty sure I'm having my second miscarriage in a row. Ok I'm positive, but just haven't heard the doctors come right out and say it specifically. I was 1 day shy of 5 weeks pregnant- super early I know. Some may say well this happens to a lot of women who don't even know they're pregnant. It's true. But I knew I was pregnant. I tested on Friday morning and it was positive. I am RH negative so I pretty much have to know otherwise my body can build up antibodies to fight off babies (although apparently my body is already fighting them off anyway).

I just can't describe the sadness that fills my body and soul right now. The same day I found out I was pregnant one of my friends texted me to tell me she had a dream I was pregnant with a boy. When I miscarried in November another friend and my sister both dreamt I was pregnant with a girl. None of them knew I was pregnant. It's as if God was sending them a signal of my impending future. Despite this for some reason I was willing this to be different. I am one of the most superstitious people around, but this time I wasn't going to buy into it. I was prepared to tell everyone. I pulled out my pregnancy pillow. I was not going to let my body have another miscarriage. But for some reason it didn't listen. I just don't know how we can create such a beautiful, smart, loving child on the first try and have everything go perfectly and now this.