It seems to go with the motherhood territory to be chronically sleep deprived, as Mama K has already alluded to, but when does it really become dangerous? I don't even remember the last time I had a full eight hours of uninterrupted sleep; its quite possibly been since 2006! That can't be healthy. I got pregnant with Sassy in '06 and spent the last few months of that year violently ill (first trimester joys). Since then I've been uncomfortably pregnant or mothering a newborn, sometimes both! This also means that I haven't had a day off in just as long. I asked Husband this morning if he would be happy with two straight years (that's 724 days) without a single day off -- no weekend, no holidays, but plenty of late nights and early mornings! Its not that I never get a moment to myself, I do get my hair cut every few months and my brows waxed every other month (I am still a girl after all), and I try to make it to the gym for an hour at least three days a week (this one is a little easier to blow off than the brow wax, I must admit). But its been about a year since I've had more than two hours completely obligation free. Husband tries to give me a break when he's home, but it always ends up being a one-one ratio with both kids amping up their need for attention as they can sense that there is more available. Even when he promises to take care of both children so I can take a bath, or read or take a nap or something it just never really works out. He can't help relying on me, and the kids can't help seeking me out if I am in the house. I guess this is what it feels like to be adored.
Back to my original point, if I can even remember what that was...at what point does the exhaustion become serious to our health and well being? I feel like we're kind of just conditioned to take it and to believe that its what we deserve for being mothers. That came out wrong. Or did it? I meant that its such a big part of parenthood that we all just accept it as normal, but at what point does it stop being normal and start being a problem? I feel like I haven't been able to think straight for months, and I'm starting to wonder if pregnancy brain can be a permanent condition. Sometimes I really feel like part of my brain shut down at some point in the past two years. If I try to concentrate really hard, I swear I can feel the broken parts. (Its just behind my forehead, if you were curious.)
We had company over the weekend and we were going going going, non-stop. I had started to feel like I was coming down with something the day before company arrived, but there's no rest for the weary so I just ignored it. The night before our company left I was baking cookies and suddenly got very dizzy with intense tunnel vision. It freaked me out, but I tried to just brush it off. It kept getting worse though, and eventually I conceded that I should probably sit down and drink some water. Our guests returned to their hotel and I hopped in the shower before going to bed. That's when I really got freaked out...as I was washing my hair my hand went completely numb! It reminded me of how my legs felt after getting an epidural, so I know it was for sure numb. I finished showering and whimpered off to bed and Husband went out to get some cold meds for me. I slept well (comparatively, any way) that night and went to bed early the next two nights. Now I feel much better, so I have to think that my body was just exhausted past the point of normalcy. It was a wake up call to me though, if I don't make some changes and give myself some breaks I could end up in the hospital. Me and the starlets, hospitalized for exhaustion! Being adored really is hard work.
Cheers,
Mama T
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